RIP Dad - A Truly Great Father

May 26th 2016 marks the sad day my father passed away. Between that day and the day of his funeral a few weeks later I sat and wrote down my thoughts about my Dad. The things I wrote down were the same things I said to him when I sat with him, holding his hand the evening that I last saw him alive.

For his funeral I needed to speak about what he meant to me. I'd never done anything like that. It was out of my comfort zone, but I felt I had to speak for him. It wasn't that I wanted to speak, it was a duty I felt I had to perform, as a father myself, honouring a truly great father.

Little did I know or realise at the time but the death of my Dad set me on a journey of self discovery and a search to find the real me. That journey is ongoing as I write this one year on.

So, here is the tribute I wrote for my Dad in June 2016. And as a further tribute to my Dad and to mark the date of his passing I have decided to publish that tribute here, exactly how it was written and nervously delivered then by me at his funeral ...

As a father myself, I felt it My Duty as Dad's son to say a few words about … “The measure of the Man who was my Dad” … and to celebrate all of our good fortune, to have shared our lives with a man who was a ‘Truly Great Father’ ….

So, I will start, way back before I was born, Dad joined a very special ‘Father’s club” … one in a hundred fathers are members of that exclusive club and it is indeed special, for it proves beyond doubt a man’s chosen commitment to the role of Father, and a little boy in need of a father gained one of the best, 

.... That was the measure of the man who was my Dad.

My earliest memories of dad are him supporting me in my obsession with all things technical.  As a little boy, as far back as I can remember, dad would bring me home all sorts of paraphernalia to explore and experiment with. These were the days long before 'hobby electronics kits'. Dad would present me with anything he thought I would be interested in taking apart to see how it worked, he was encouraging my creativity to the full. That was being a good father and …

… That was a measure of the man who was my Dad

As a teenager, my obsession with all things Mechanical turned to cars. Dad loved his cars and loved tinkering with them. I would be there with him at weekends, watching, learning and helping out practically, learning skills I still use to this day…

Dad taught me to drive at age 12, taking the car to the Ford factory's enormous empty car park by the Thames to practice, that gave me status and earned me respect amongst my peers, ……. and for that he was my hero…….. That also showed the rebel in him, it may not have been strictly legal, but if he wanted to teach his sons to drive, no one was going to stop him, and I loved him for it …

…That was the measure of the man who was my Dad.

I Have NEVER heard my dad use bad language, never seen him drunk ...    But I did see him regularly coming home late from one job, eat a tepid, saucepan reheated dinner, (no microwaves in those days) then off out to a second job, I'd be asleep long before he came home from the second job and he'd be up and out again long before I awoke the next day. Selflessly providing for his family, year after year …

… That was the measure of the man who was my Dad.

Dad was a great craftsman. He encouraged me to serve an indentured trade apprenticeship, , … and when that five year apprenticeship required me to have transport, dad suggested and passed on his skills, love and knowledge of motorcycles to help me with my first motorbike, …. And when that bike broke down, miles from home, it was Dad who came to my rescue, got me home & got the bike running again for my next days work,

Five years later My very official looking 'wax sealed' Tradesman’s Indentures certificate was signed by my Dad, …… seeing his handwriting there whenever I come across that document, will fill me with pride for as long as I live …

…That was the measure of the man who was my Dad.

In my 20's, and first house, Dad spent hours and hours, making and fitting new Windows ... I was ok with the wires and pipes but useless with wood and brickwork, without dad I could never have got that and subsequent houses into shape. Dad was a true ‘grafter' I remember, he put me to shame when I was in my mid 30’s, helping me to install a velux window in a loft conversion with his strength, stamina and 'can do' attitude tackling that job, …. despite him being around 70 years old at the time …

… That was the measure of the man who was my Dad.

As I became a father, dad became a grandad and he turned his craftsmanship to spending hour upon hour in his workshop crafting unique and priceless toys, models, dolls house’s and beautifully turned and inlayed hardwood furniture and jewelry boxes for his grandchildren, so much time spent, so much effort and skill invested into those unique personal gifts, which will outlive all of us here today and hopefully be passed down to Dad’s descendants for generations to come.

I've heard the saying that LOVE is spelt T. I. M. E. ……., Dad gave so much time, helping, advising making & fixing things for his sons and grandchildren, so if you ask yourself how much did Dad or Grandad love us? Just look back at how much of his TIME he gave to us all …

***** And, talking of love, Dad was a loyal and dedicated Husband to my Mum, together for more than 70 Years, and recently, the only photographs found in his wallet were of Mum, which he carried with him right up until the end.

… That was the measure of the man who was my Dad

Ironically, I saw this quote just recently, it reads …

… “I don’t think there is anything that can prepare you to lose a parent. It is a larger blow in adulthood, because you are at the point where you are actually friends with your parents. Their wisdom has finally sunk in and you know that all of the [stuff] you rolled your eyes at as a teenager really was done out of love and probably saved your life once or twice.”

… What was My Dad’s greatest achievement? Right up until the end, despite (as we have just recently learnt) being under attack from the most horrendous cancer throughout his body, … Dad spared his loved ones, the burden and worry, instead, until just a few weeks ago, fighting literally until he could no longer stand!

So, I'll end by asking that question as a father myself, 'what is a good father?'

My Dad. That IS a GREAT Father. If I only do half as a good a job, I will be happy.

………………………..Thank you Dad

Biker to the end

Gallery 

Dad with his grandchildren Mark and Natasha. Story telling, just look at the looks on their faces.

One of Dad's many model ships painstakingly created in his garden workshop

Dad was a lifelong motorcyclist, here he is in 1953

Above and below - This beautiful wooden pick up truck, now proud possession of Dad'd grandson Mark.

Dad with grand daughter Lily just 3 days old

Dad liked an occassional Brandy in the pub opposite where he lived. That same pub hosted the wake after his funeral.  

Dad the raconteur at his 60th wedding anniversary party

One of many dolls houses under construction. His granddaughters all had a personalised dolls house made for them.

Dad & Mum with grandchildren Bethany and Harrison

Grandchildren - Beth, Harrison and Lily all played a part in making this flower arrangement
to travel with him on his coffin.


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